I am continuing to learn what it means to be in cross-cultural relationships. I think its imperative for white Christians to join into this conversation. Instead of being on the sidelines and jumping into the game late I hope the Church will lead the way on embracing diversity.
Our neighborhoods are for the most part segregated. Our schools would be segregated (because of the neighborhoods) but we enforce busing to help with that. It's still fact, but almost sounds clique now, that Sunday mornings are the most segregated part of the week. Various experiences, books, and speakers continue to challenge me when it comes to cross-cultural relationships.
At the CCDA conference last year,
Dr. Soong-Chan Rah made the point that if white Christians have never had a non-white mentor then they are more colonialists than missionaries.
Meaning that though there intentions might be good, they are undoubtedly pushing their way of thinking as a white Christian (read: Meaning that though
my intentions are good,
I am undoubtedly pushing
my way of thinking as a white Christian male). With the tendency to be dominant and to take control, it magnifies my need to take a back seat to listen and learn. And in a Christian world that is right now and increasingly multi-cultural/multi-ethnic and no longer a western white centered faith, it makes it all the more important to recognize this and celebrate this.
It takes a lot of hard work. It isn't a romanticized notion or something that is an act that we should desire to seek praise from. It requires us (read: white Christians) to give up what culture has instilled in us, that we have power, privilege, and status. Good questions to ask ourselves, are:
How do I relinquish power and therefore empower someone? Important because of our tendency to hold onto power in relationships.
How do I restore/maintain someone's dignity? Important because though we may have great intentions, being in cross-cultural relationships will require us deal with some inner demons. Like it or not, we've all be instilled with a bit of racism. Maybe not the over the top kind that we're used to reading about in history class, but that covert kind of racism that simmers below the surface.
Jesus gives great examples throughout scripture. In John 4 for example, Jesus doesn't come to the well, take the bucket for himself and get his own drink. Instead, Jesus relinquishes power by communicating that he himself had a need and asking the Samaritan woman to give him a drink. Jesus also didn't shun the woman and look down upon her for being a Samaritan, instead he restores the woman's dignity by interacting with her as a Jew and she a Samaritan.
In Philippians 2 Paul talks about how Jesus '..did not not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself.' Made himself nothing? Taking the very nature of a servant? How about that for giving up power and status. On top of
that he humbled himself in the process.
God continually embodies a downward movement (Luke 9:25) and it shouldn't be any different for us. For me, this is timely. How to give up power and status in relationships (cross-cultural and otherwise) and therefore empower someone and restore/maintain their dignity is the ever present struggle I find myself in.
I recommend this book for all who want to read more about this:
The Next Evangelicalism.
I also would like to take the time to steal the some words from Jeff, my pastor at
Visio Dei. Though he was speaking on an entirely different subject matter, he challenged us with some questions that are still applicable to this:
Are we willing to let the Bible tell us something that we don't want to hear? Are we willing to let the Bible steer us in a direction that we're not exactly comfortable with?
Meaning, are we willing to let God reveal to us things in scripture that we wouldn't normally see, that we choose to overlook, or have been culturally trained to not see?